The hardest thing in the world is having to put your companion, your partner, your guide dog to sleep and still wondering if you reacted sooner, would it have helped? Is there anything else you could have done? What must the school think now? Even more, how the hell to get past this and when will it stop hurting?
Yes, friends and family of mine and Wren’s, you read that correctly. On October 18, 2023 I had to put Wren, my little songbird to sleep. It was the hardest thing I had to do in my life.
She got pretty sick in September and for a while I let it be because I just thought it was something small like a doggy cold or something since we were all sick in the house as well, but weeks later, Wren wasn’t getting any better. So I took her to the vet and they discovered it was pretty bad. Wren had fluid built up in her chest area with no clue where it came from and what it was. All sorts of tests and scans were ran and taps to drain the fluid multiple times with no clear answers to show for any of it. What made it even harder was at the end Wren was bouncing around and acting like herself, not a care in the world. Like hey, look at me, aren’t I adorable?
I left Wren at the hospital on Sunday October 15, 2023 and by Wednesday with input from Leader as well the tough decision was made. I just could not in good conscience keep putting my girl through more and more taps to drain the fluid build up and hoping it got better. By the time Wednesday rolled around she had already been through 3 of them in a week with more in her future or surgery that would have also impacted her working. Maybe if we had answers that weren’t as clear as mud everyone would have felt differently, I wish I knew. I just feel so horrible and like the worse guide dog handler in the world at the moment. I know I shouldn’t, but that what if, just won’t go away. One moment I’m fine and the next I’m not.
I had an awesome few years with the crazy puppy and she will definitely be missed in this house. We didn’t quite make it to our 4 years together and I was looking forward to see how she would handle our next big adventure that was to start next month.
I’ve already had people asking if I’m going to get another dog and will I go back to Leader.
That is the furthest thing from my mind at the moment. Hell, for all I know Leader may think I’m bad luck or something and run away screaming when or if I put in an application for a new dog.
Anyways, that is the sad news from here. There is good news here too which I’m also trying to focus on to keep me from losing my mind, but whew, it’s hard!
RIP Wren, July 3, 2018 to October 18, 2023
Gods May, I’m so sorry. I’m not sure what I can say that won’t sound so cliche but day by day is all you can do to get through. After I had to let Ozzy cross the rainbow bridge in 2021 it’s all I tried to do. I’m not sure it ever stops hurting but it does get easier. How does one get over the loss of a partner, a member of your family? I will however offer you a hug, I know it’s only virtual but all the same… hugs to you and I hope that you can find some peace soon.